the past is in the past

Illustration by: Alvaro Hernandez

i look to the past 

far too much, 

this i know

i must give up

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

yet i am helpless to resist

the kaleidoscope of memories that insist 

they pour incessantly:

inevitable and inescapable

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

i remember the scuffed shoes

and scraped knees,

the dirt-stained jeans

plus the sweat-soaked shirts

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

i remember the sun’s caress upon my skin

and the wind lapping at my face,

the grass grabbing wildly for my feet

while the concrete’s unforgiving hands want naught to do with me

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

i remember my high-pitched laughs

and my brothers unfettered wide smiles,

our friends’ exclamations of victory and lament

followed by deep exhalations of breath

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

i remember my mom’s call, timed at light’s descent

and my dad’s tiredness at a work day’s end,

our loud family gatherings at my tia’s

where my cousins and i were at play

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá 

but with these lens

i feel youth passing me by (it crawls and it runs)

and i’d rather not be the one 

to let life give me no other love 

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

i’ll always look back with love (on this you can bet)

but now i must open my eyes,

to recognize all that i have

in this day and age

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

for i still feel the sun’s stroke 

and listen to the wind’s whisperings, 

i lay among the grass on warm summer days

and dance upon the concrete that is my stage

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

for i have friends i never saw coming

and they make me laugh endlessly,

their presence and support given freely when needed

as i do for them

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

for my family is still alive and well

and though we have grown and have more to go,

this bond is ever-present 

and only deepens over time

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

for i am growing and learning

and coming into my self, 

expanding my horizons

and sticking to my roots

todo no es como lo era. y nunca volverá

aceptaré las cosas como son y como vienen

y viviré en el ahora

el tiempo pasará, como siempre ha hecho

y quizás el cambio sí es por lo bueno 

todo no es como lo era. y jamás volverá