My Story: Latina and Lesbian

by Alexix A. aka LatinaBeatz

This is no specific formula by which  homosexuals live. This is my story, my account as a Latina who is a lesbian, a human being that has a specific gender in which I find a perfect but imperfect connectior.

Growing up, I knew I was attracted to other girls. I had boyfriends and dated but I would find myself checking out their sisters. I never felt a connection with a man. I got involved with a woman a couple years ago. I knew from the first time I kissed her that the LGBT world is a world in which I belong.

Being with a woman isn’t easier than being with a man, in fact, it’s much more complex. I love being with a woman because of the deep emotional connection that we can share. I feel safe. I love that she knows what it’s like to be a female and what our bodies go through.  I roll my eyes when straight girls announce at their frustration with men and that they are “going to girls.” The fact is that if you can’t handle a man, you damn sure can’t handle a female, especially the ones who think and act like both.

I work in a male-dominated industry with some of the most massive egos, and not one of my well-known clients have ever had an issue with my sexuality. If you’re secure with your  manhood or your “self,” another person’s choice in gender shouldn’t matter Some of the annoying comments I get from men are: “you’re too pretty to be gay,” “who broke your heart?” “who abused you when you were little?” or, my all-time fave, “why do you hate men?”

I think they are speaking from a threatened and bruised ego. It’s appalling and shocking to them that a female isn’t turned on by their manliness or that they wouldn’t succumb to their ‘magic stick.’ As if it’s going against nature if a woman doesn’t get turned on by a man. I must be a freak of nature.

I’m not ruling out their assumptions. I have observed that some lesbians have been abused or may not have liked attention from men, choosing to dress like a man to keep them at bay, like when a rape victim who becomes promiscuous to regain control.  A female who’s been utterly devastated by a man may find solace and comfort in a female, someone she perceives would never hurt her like a man did. This can also be true of the women who turn to men after a bad relationship with a woman, but in the end it’s still about human behavior, not about gender.

Being “too pretty to be gay” also has nothing to do with anything. What you look like will not guarantee a man or a woman will not cheat on you. Being attractive does not mean you are a good person, a good cook, or even a good sexual partner. I try to relay the message that we all need to look beyond appearance. I’ve been told I was a “waste” because I chose to be with women. I may be a stereotypical femme girly-girl that is attracted to tomboys or studs (a female who dresses and acts slightly masculine). Everyone who knows me knows that I have the biggest crush on Michelle Rodriguez. I tend to date girls who have that masculine quality, a more dominant personality and which would have some think that I should just be with a dude, but that’s not what I’m attracted to. I don’t like to be with women who like to be called ‘papi’ or like to use toys for penetration. I don’t like the roles of girl and boy. I am a more tomboyish girl.  I appreciate female bodies no matter how girlie or how toned. Not every “dyke” or mannish female is one in the bedroom or runs the relationship. I actually find that most girlie girls run the show., so don’t let the appearances fool you.

Living in 2010 is an exciting but also very ironic time. Being gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender seems tolerated. But at the same time it feels like there are so many discriminative and ignorant stereotypes. It’s a different world now, we are all different people, we are in a different time and environment, a more spiritual profound one.

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