November: No PC for AZ

Dear Arizona Republicans,

I wanted to discuss your decision regarding the election of Russell Pearce as Senate president. It’s such a relief to know that Senator Pearce will be running the chamber for the next two years for the following reasons: NONE. Congratulations.

We are all painfully aware of Senator Pearce’s perennial fight to pass new state laws to curb illegal immigration. In regards to Prop 200 Pearce says, “[Illegal immigrants] can’t come to America and get free stuff. It’s just wrong. You’ve got to take their benefits away.” Really impressive. Clap. Clap. I couldn’t have said it more eloquently myself (…if I were also accepting millions of dollars worth of dirty money from prison companies based on my crooked law making…). I’d also like to make a personal shout-out to Pearce’s recent authoring of SB1070. You’re new muscular Arizona-style is helping you truly show your colors. (Just make sure not to wear your blue and white scarf out golfing next weekend.)

It’s so comforting to know that Texas State Rep. Debbie Riddle is also following in your footsteps by emulating your lawmaking in her response to the escalating violence caused by Mexican and Latin American gangs. Riddle says, “It is absolutely out of control with the gang-related crime, which is going through the roof, so yes, we are addressing this, and quite frankly, I am not worried about political correctness.” And why should you be, Debbie?  It’s not as if that’s your job…oh…wait…

Len Tria of Tampa’s Hernando Today says, “I am sure the left will bring busloads of uneducated aliens and have them vote for their party of handouts and government largess…Think of what will happen across this land if anyone who wants to vote gets a ballot and casts a vote.” First of all, Len, thank you so much for using such derogatory terms, it really puts your education up on a pedestal for which to strive for, hope you’re polishing your credentials. Second, I am thinking about what is happening across the land when everyone and anyone who wants to vote gets a ballot and casts a vote…we end up with people like Russell Pearce in office, from sea to shining sea. In other news, the Kettle called and it says, “What’s up, Pot?”

In Pearce’s defense, it seems like he has some very solid plans for Arizona’s future. When asked about the immediate gap between revenues and expenses he says, “Nobody has the magic wand.” With all due respect Senator Pearce, word on the street is, Harry Potter does. Why don’t you go try to run Hogwarts, I heard they’re looking. Stop worrying your pretty little sunburned head about things ‘round these parts.

Love, kisses, puppies, and rainbows,
Your Better Half